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That said, if there are very shady reasons for why you have to cut them off in the first place, I wouldn’t exactly break your neck to be friends. If you’ve got friendship on your mind, it’s likely a sign that you need to refocus your energy.

The lesson: Friendship is what happens, 1) when you’re over them and 2) they have shown themselves to be friendship worthy, neither of which the object of NC is at this time. They might claim not to realise it on a conscious level but fact is, only someone who is incredibly emotionally immature and a responsibility dodger, would have no clue about how, 1) inappropriate their behaviour was / is or, 2) how affected you are.

How much better you feel is subjective and the idea of grieving a relationship isn’t actually for you to make way for their friendship – it’s for you to make way for so that you can move on.

Far too much emphasis is put on finding a way to be friends again. If you’re going to be friends, it will happen without being forced and when you’re both back in neutral territory. If you try to be friends before you are enough of the way along in the healing process to be too impacted if they don’t behave as you’d like, you will reopen your wound.

So, take a stroll down memory lane to remember all of our past Word of the Year selections.

When you need to step back from an unhealthy relationship and employ No Contact (NC) after the breakup, irrational fears and beliefs which are used to try to control the uncontrollable but to also prevent you from taking real action, can often provide the trigger for you to either break NC or decide that there’s no point in starting it at all.

In this post, I share the first five and you can download the full ten – link at the bottom of the post.The lesson: Breaking up whether it’s done via the traditional route or you have to do NC, is to end a relationship.Don’t use it as a means of attempting to force people to do what you want.The lesson: Having a full-on relationship instead of trying to stay in someone’s mind is always the better option, something you’re not going to discover in a new relationship if you keep chasing crumbs.Also there are better ways to be remembered than emails and texts – someone doesn’t have to forget about you if they’re you.

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